Time

I am not sure how to come back here after completely hijacking this blog.
I'm not sure if I can give this the time and energy it takes to do the whole blogging thing.

I must rephrase...I am certain I don't have it in me, I am certain I have likely lost Hudson's faithful readers and prayer warriors, I am most certain of all the reasons I don't want to come here....

But then I am also certain I have heard God whisper to me several times over the last 5 months that I have not been blogging, and I am convicted by what I hear.....

that my life song is Hudson's story...if I don't blog, Hudson's voice is not being heard, and in return Gods goodness is not being glorified. I had put an end to blogging Hudson's story out of selfish reasons.
All I can say is we are back...
I'm not sure how often, and I'm not going to try and back pedal and replay the last 5 months, but I will do my very best to share my Hudson with the world, as he continues to fight his battle with mitochondrial disease and multiple seizure disorder. His story will be shared so his voice can be heard to the glory of God.

The story has not changed much....
Hudson still battles seizures daily, he has mito with no known origin, he has been in the hospital more times in the last 5 months than I can count (we sit here today inpatient under respiratory distress) he has physically grown a ton, he is a warrior beyond comprehension, and he soldiers through this most difficult life with amazing grace and strength.

We have been through a lot....more than most....but we stand because we don't rely on our own strength but only on His strength, our eyes are fixed on Jesus....He is our Rock.

Recovering at home

Yes, we are home now, antibiotics are doing it's thing, and Hudson is resting comfortably this morning in his own bed. When awake he is coughing up a ton of junk, all that stuff that has been sitting in his lungs. So grateful for his strong cough....Lots and lots of suctioning in the days ahead.
Thank to all who have been praying for him.

Deb

One sick kid

For those of you not connected to me on Facebook...Hudson has been admitted into the hospital today. He has pneumonia and partial collapsed lung with his heart being pushed over.

Prayers are appreciated.

In a month...

Wow...a month has passed since I have updated. I am sorry to those who actually read my blog and have wondered how Hudson is doing...I really didn't mean to leave you hanging ( and I say that literally to the one person who may actually stop here and read.... as I am not even sure if anyone reads this blog anymore!)
Hudson is holding steady...his last hospitalization was on the heels of my mom's 4 week vacation on a cruise around the world....okay, not around the world, although it feels like she has been gone that long, but an amazing vacation she so incredibly deserves! Hudson just knew there was no margin for error once Nana was on the high seas, so he made sure to get his hospitalization in prior! Way to go Hudson! He got all the good juices he needed to keep him going while she has been gone....today, he is his regular gunky self, some days are better than others. This has actually been a pretty great week for him. Minimal seizures, sleeping well, not a ton of suctioning....praise God for a good week! We deserve them and will gladly take them!!! I should rephrase...HUDSON deserves them...he deserves far beyond "good" days....but we take what we we can get, and praise Jesus for the "good" ones.

I had a ton of anxiety with my mom heading out of town. I rely so much on her.
Honestly? It completely sucks to be my age and admit you need your mom....but I do. She takes over with Hunter and Hailey when Hudson needs medical attention, she is my best friend, she is my wine drinking partner, she is my confidant, she makes me laugh and sometimes frustrates me, BUT I adore her...and I right now I really miss her. I have some truly great friends....I am so blessed. Friends that knew it would be rough on me with my mom gone...after all, the past 10 months my mom and Fred have not left my side, they have been there at every moment...as I go through this process of trying to heal, and come to grips with all that has happened....they have never left my side. I encouraged them to go on this amazing cruise out of Hawaii, ending in Australia. I reassured them I would be just fine, the kids were great, Hudson would do well....and we are. In the meantime, those wonderful friends I mentioned have stepped in and filled my weekends. Girls nights out, dinner at friends, pumpkin carving and pizza night....they just let me know I am not alone. I am blessed.

What I have found, is when I stop worrying and let God do the work in my life...the work to figure out the small details that sometimes I just don't want to look at, He shows up and shows me He is working it all out for my good. I am grateful to know this. To know it is not all up to me.

So, all in all, things are good. The kids are doing really well in school...they have the absolute BEST teachers. Even the best "past" teachers....I got an email from Hunter's teacher from last year. Get this....he wanted to know if he could just spend some time with Hunter, as Hunter holds a special place in his heart and so they will hang out after school one day a week....shooting hoops, hitting the tennis ball, playing games, working on homework, etc. Like I said....God just shows up.
I am so proud of my kids...they have been through alot....they both are straight A students, and continue to give their all in everything they do. They are so faithful, and loving...I am so proud of who they are in spite of all our trials. I pray for them constantly...I rely on God as a father to my kids...and He shows up....He is a dad that is always there for his kids, he doesn't disappoint...
 It is beautiful.

I am doing pretty okay myself. I have good and not so good days, but God shows up for me too....after all, I am one of His kids too! The week my mom left, Hudson's caretaker became my full time caretaker. She was only giving me 1-3 hours a couple days a week. The week my mom left her full time family of 4 years parted ways with her....their loss has been my gain. She is here pretty much 5 days a week, either from 10-3, or 9-2. At first I felt guilty spending so much time away from little Hudson, but I know in 5 years I have been there 24/7 with no help. I have always put  myself on the back burner and taken care of everyone elses needs. Not anymore. I workout a minimum of 5 days a week. Hardcore cardio....where I am dripping and disgusting...it feels AMAZING! I throw my head phones on and listen to worship music or a sermon I missed and sweat! I feel the best I have felt in years....I am taking care of ME! It is truly the best therapy....good for the mind, body and soul. I started this process back in April with the help of my mom and Christina. I was worried with my mom being gone, my gym days would be far and few between....having her full time once my mom left was Gods way of once again taking care of those fine details.

It is all about Gods great providence....
life happens, tragedy happens, sadness ensues, the unexpected swallows you whole.....where do you go? Who do you turn to?
I have allowed my trials and tragedies to deepen my faith, to rely on God, to trust He who is in control...I am a work in progress...I don't always do it well or right....but I have a great God who makes it all well and right, even through all my screw ups! I am blessed....HE just shows up for me.


I leave you with our trip to the pumpkin patch last weekend, in our efforts to pick the perfect pumpkin!